Shit They Just Don't Tell You

Throughout these past few weeks, I have learned a lot about what being a parent to a newborn baby is all about. In no way, shape or form do I (or will I ever) claim to have this whole parenting gig down and I won't be one of those people who try to tell other parents how things should be done, but I have noticed there are just a ton of obvious things that the pregnancy and parenting books just don't tell you and I was completely shocked. I'll spare you all of the gross things that I have discovered along the way and stick to the really important ones, here are a few:

1) Pregnancy yoga is not only a fad, but a necessity.
I had huge plans to be one of those pregnant ladies that would exercise everyday and that would be a prego-yoga master. Even when I wasn't pregnant, never did I exercise everyday or even do a lot of yoga, so I seriously don't know why I thought I would be that active when I was carrying around a little one who seemed to take all of my energy away. I even bought a prenatal yoga DVD and tried it out once. Yup, once. And I didn't even make it through the whole DVD, I took a nap on the yoga mat after about 20 minutes. After having Landen though, I have learned that I should have stuck with the yoga. Between trying to calm the little man down or trying to feed him to where I am not in a huge amount of pain, I have placed myself in some interesting and uncomfortable poses. I am sure yoga would have helped me deal with some of these situations or even given me some ideas on which position would be more comfortable. If not, I am sure yoga might have given me the ability to mentally transport myself to my happy place in order to deal with the pain better. My happy place being the Southern Sun Brewery or my bed with 20 pillows- if I could only take my bed with 20 pillows to the Southern Sun, now that would be the happiest place ever.

2) Husbands aren't able to hear your baby's cries in the middle of the night.
Not quite sure of the science behind this one, but it is true. Chad seriously is a great dad and is a huge help, so this isn't a knock on Chad but I just find it amazing that he doesn't hear Landen in the middle of the night sometimes. It is funny though when I get back to bed after feeding Landen and putting him back to sleep to find that Chad is laying on my side of the bed hugging my pillow or in the morning Chad will say "wow Landen slept a long time last night"- umm nope, no he didn't, but nice try.

3) Nothing is on TV, ever.
Except for reality TV. Not much more to say on this one because I think we all know it is true. Did you know Vanilla Ice has a home renovation/reality show coming out? Weird, but it intrigues me at the same time so I will probably be watching it.

4) Babies have a sixth sense on when their moms want to take a nap, use the bathroom or take a shower.
Again, not sure of the exact science behind this one, but it is true. To avoid this situation, I try and play subliminal mind tricks on Landen. When I really want to take a nap, I just think to myself how great I feel and that I am not really tired and that I will just go start a load of laundry real quick or go watch some more reality TV. I am not quite sure if this works or not. But it makes me feel like I have control of the situation, even though I know this baby controls my every waking and sleeping moment.

5) You'll need bigger waste baskets for your home.
After baby arrives there will be an increase in the use of disposable products so additional trashcan space will be required. Between the diapers (if you use disposable ones, which we definitely do), the baby wipes, nursing pads, maxi pads and whatever other kinds of pads that will come out next there is a whole lot of trash being created.* In addition to the larger waste baskets, you will also need someone to take out the mounds of trash for you everyday (thanks Chad!).

*I know, I know, this is a huge detriment to my household's eco-footprint, don't judge. To offset my poor eco-footprint, I don't drive over 4 miles in a week (shoot, who am I kidding, I probably don't even drive 4 miles in a month).

6) Mommy brain is not a myth, it is real.
I sometimes thought this might have been a cop out excuse, but nope, mommy brain definitely exists and I had it bad, real bad, in the first few weeks. I would be mid conversation and I am sure my eyes would just glaze over and I would totally forget what the conversation was about. I would also forget basic sentence structure, so I ended up just speaking jibberish and I couldn't think of the easiest words. So when I would want to say "could you put this in the refrigerator?" It would come out as, "the in you something thing put." Only a slight exaggeration, but not by much.

7) Seeing your child in pain or perceiving your child is in pain is the most difficult thing ever.
This is the one thing that I thought for sure would be in one of the parenting books, but nope. Though it seems like common sense and I should have been prepared for my reactions, I was taken by complete surprise at my emotional response to situations where I think Landen is hurting. When I took Landen in for his one week check up, he also got circumcised. Seeing my perfect baby go through that procedure was gut wrenching and was by far the worst thing I have ever to go through. I thought he was in so much pain and I am sure he was, but I cried and cried and cried for almost 2 days. An example of how much of an emotional wreck I was- I was describing the plot of the movie "Remember Me" and I just burst into tears in the middle of my explanation. Now, I will admit, I cry when I watch sad parts of movies, but I never just cry when I explain the movie months after I had seen it. It was just crazy, but that is what happens to already hormonal mothers when they see their child in pain. Thankfully I had Chad to put everything into perspective and made me feel a ton better. Let's just wait and see how I react when I send Landen to daycare- poor Chad.

Landen is a great baby and we are having a ton of fun with him. Chad and I were both scared of the thought that we would actually be responsible for a baby because neither one of us had any experience with babies before. I mean, I held my first baby only last year. But we have learned that if you just love them like crazy the rest of it comes naturally. Here is Landen at one month old and he was getting ready for a fun filled day of watching college football:



Next up is Halloween and hopefully my new boss (Landen) gives me some time off to make his costume real quick.